Hello and welcome to the first ever Dear Em column. I received 3 questions this week but sadly, no product reviews. I’m sure they will come soon. In the meantime, however, let’s get straight to the questions shall we?


Dear Em,
I'm a single mom of two who has had problems in love forever it seems.
I come from major abuse growing up and in all my relationships too
till NOW
Here is my Question: I'm working on my Fourth Fiancée ,I've been with him going on a yr so I know he is a good man finally lol.
I love him dearly ,but can't seem to get intimate with him like I have with others in the past who were all crud.
I really love this man and can actually see myself growing old with him what do I do to get myself to want to be more intimate with him


Well first off, congratulations on your recent engagement Dahlink! I am glad to see that you have waited this long before deciding to get married again. It can be very easy to assume that someone is the right person too early on, only to find out we have made a big mistake later.
As far as having a hard time being intimate, there could be several reasons. One is that you have been hurt so much in the past by the other men you have been with. Whether you realize it or not, there is still a tiny part of you that does not completely trust this man, for good reason I might add, given your past experiences. You don’t want to completely give yourself to someone when way in the back of your mind you are thinking, “Ok is this too good to be true?”
Another reason is also most probably the abuse you have had in your life. You did not specify whether or not it was sexual, physical, emotional or a combination. Although that can make a difference, it can still create the same problem. Your dilemma reminds me of my own life. I went through different types of abuse as a child growing up. As I got older I realized that all I wanted was to be loved and it really didn’t matter how I got that love. I always seemed to fall for the wrong type of men and made the wrong choices, so inevitably I would end up getting hurt in the end and fell worse about myself in the process. I even married one of these and went through a nasty 9 year marriage. When I finally did meet the man I am with, although I loved him very much and was very attracted to him, because of my past abuse and choices I had made, intimacy with him was difficult.
I have 2 suggestions for you:

1. Communication with him is going to be the key. If you seriously see this man as being “the one”, then you have got to sit down with him and explain all, putting everything out on the table. You do NOT want to go into another relationship, especially a marriage with a lot of unclaimed baggage so to speak. It is not fair to you or to him. I can not stress this enough. If you see that he is willing to be patient with you and to grow with you, and help you overcome your fears, then you will definitely know he is the one. If you find that he does not want to do any of these things, then maybe you need to rethink the idea of him being the one you want to grow old with. Too many relationships are ruined because of disagreements in the area of sex and intimacy because both parties have different agendas. The most important things in a marriage are love and trust. Sex and intimacy are what come from these and shouldn’t be the foundation.
2. You yourself need to deal with issues of abuse from your past and be able to put them behind you, if you have not already. Trust me, if you don’t you will continue to have problems even with being in a relationship with the most perfect man in the world.

I wish you all the luck in the world dear and if you need to talk more, please feel free to note me!
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Dear Em,
Ok Em here you go. I do have a dilemma ... I've decided to flame the mower and (anonymous) is brushing up on her air brush skills to do the flames, BUT should I paint it black, red, blue or orange. And what color would go with the 4 listed for the rims. The neighbors have the fastest mower so I'm going for SHOW.


Well THIS sounds like a fun project, my little industrious Dahlink! Hmmmmm… LOL If I was going to paint my mower for “show”, (which I don’t see happening in my near future because my husband would probably have me locked up), I think I would have to go with a flashy look, so to speak. In my humble opinion I like the idea of a black base with large orange and yellow flames with maybe just a hint of blue. As for the rims, I think shiny silver or black would be better than one of the colors you listed, unless of course you WANT the mower to look like something from Little Tykes Play Land, versus Harley Davidson. *s* While you’re at it, and this is just a thought, why don’t you pull a Tim Allen and add a couple of cool looking exhaust pipes on the side, enlarge the engine, add new shocks and make it bounce while you mow like those cars you see that bounce so high they could clear a 6 foot wall! This will definitely pull the attention away from your neighbor who only has speed going for him. Hmmmm wonder if we could get you in the Guinness World Book of Records with this thing. Will have to look into that…..
Much love and lots of luck to you with your project! Don’t you dare forget to show me a pic of the finished project either!
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Dear Em,
Ok, I have seen your picture, How do you stay so damn skinny? I have had a problem with my weight all my life and tried one diet after the other and nothing has ever worked long term. Any advice?


Well Dahlink, you sound like me! *s* All my life I had trouble with my weight, trying diet after diet, even the dreaded exercising which I always gave up on. I even went through a bout with anorexia because at one point in my life I was desperate. Not a good route to take I might add. There are a couple of things you have to consider. One, you have to like yourself whether you are 90 pounds or 190. Losing weight will not change that long term. Deal with the emotional issues before you tackle the physical ones. You might find you don’t have as much weight to lose as you thought you did. Second, you have to look at your diet as a life style change, not just a temporary solution. You have got to change the way you eat, period. You can not diet for 6 weeks on salads and then go back to binging on Big Macs. It just doesn’t work and you end up with more problems than when you started. Choose a diet that you seem to have the best results with and seems to work with you. For me, the one that finally helped me achieve my goals was the low carb diet. In a year’s time, including baby weight, I lost about 60 pounds and have continued to keep it off, give or take 2 or 3 pounds each month as the body never stays at one exact weight. It also happened to be the easiest diet for me because I was never hungry. I will also admit that I never exercise because of headaches and back problems, and I guess part was just plain laziness in that area. I would not recommend not exercising though, because if you don’t, you will not only lose weight, but muscle as well and you will look a bit saggy under your clothes. *s* Today I am still on that diet although it has been moderated to a maintenance plan because I actually got to a point where I had lost too much weight. I feel better and have tons more energy, not only because I weigh less but because of what I am not putting in my body. I hope this helps and if you need any more info, please feel free to note me! Please remember two things, no matter what society says, it IS supposed to be what’s on the inside that counts, not on the outside, and two, you didn’t put the weight on overnight so have patience because it is not going to just pop off over night either. Good luck with your goals!

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So that wraps up this week’s addition of Dear Em. I think it went rather well, but please forgive any typos or run on sentences as I was typing this with a wiggling baby in my lap who kept arguing with me that it was HIS keyboard and mouse, not mine!. Please note or email me (at Emanaia@cox.net or send me a note at [link]) with any other questions or product reviews you have and I will post them next week! Have a great week my sweet little Dahlinks!!!


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Just a reminder of what this column is for:

Dear Em

Each week I will be bringing you my new column entitled “Dear Em” where I will take all your questions concerning Love, Life, The religion of 3D and anything else that comes to mind. So don’t be shy! Send in your questions and every Monday I will post them along with my answers, or as most of you know, at least a very strong opinion!


Product Reviews

This journal will also be the new home for product reviews. If you have would like to give a review on any product you have tried or are using relating to 3D art, Photoshop, etc., please note me with your write-up and I will post it each Monday.

















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